I’m starting this blog because I love to write. I don’t love to write after 8pm at night, and that’s been my main availability over the last 5 years. I’m just tired at that time, and I like to relax and zone out for a bit. But these thoughts swirling in my head, and these memories of our journey need a permanent home. And they need to encourage some of you. So here starts the new chapter of our little family journey. We have 5 year old twin boys, and a beautiful, bouncing baby girl who is 10 months old. The “we” in this picture is my fabulous, sexy husband, yes I said sexy, and myself. I am a stay at home mom and I thank God my husband values my job and works hard to allow me to do it.
Where are my children now you ask as I sit at the computer eating my bon bons…? Well up until 2 weeks ago they would have been running around and I would not be sitting, but now they are in kindergarten! It’s big. And the baby is sleeping of course. This change has been so strange for all of us. In some ways it feels as though our previously full speed ahead pace has come to a halt, but only between the hours of 9-3, then it feels full speed ahead again except at warp speed, because the days fly by when you do something EVERY. DAY.
So, am I enjoying the quiet, yes. Do I miss my boys, yes. Do I feel guilty, yes, but the emotion tied to that guilt is fading a bit with each new day. The guilt is related to the decision to do public school over homeschool, or partial homeschool.
I wrestled for at least a year with the decision of school for my twin boys. It seemed like such a big decision, especially since there’s two starting school. In parenting twins, every stage is intensified, the good and hard stages. BECAUSE THERE’S TWO. I looked at charter schools, private, homeschool, partial home/private schools. Before I had my sweet baby girl 10 months ago, I had imagined working at the school I wanted to send them to to be close to them. But all of those options seemed to have a reason they just weren’t right.
When public school started to move to the front of the list, I felt God confirming that direction. The reasons were mainly to meet other families in our community beyond our immediate neighbors, and to get our kids out of the bubble we had created for them these past five years.
And we are doing just that. We are watching our teaching from the last 5 years begin to unfold as our children attend kindergarten at public elementary school. It is interesting at the least, and motivating at best. Interesting to see how they have translated what’s been taught, and motivating to smooth out the areas that are causing problems.
With kids the boundaries of rules and religion are black and white. You broke that rule, I’ll tell on you, regardless of if the rule at hand was related to religion, that is the beauty of childlike faith. For them, God just is, not maybe, not to me and my family, but just is. The particular rule that was broken in this instance (2 day of school), is taking the Lords name in vain. “Oh my God” is the repeated phrase that led my son Ben to tell the teacher on his classmate. It wasn’t just once, it was the repeated, continual use of the phrase that led my son to take action. The little boy he had told on earlier in the day screamed across the path as he walked with his grandma after school, “You ruined my whole day Benjamin!!” Big words and emotion from such a cute little guy. So I ask my Ben, “Son, what happened today that is making him say that?” He tells me the story as the boys grandma approaches in a sort of upset, uncertain tone, “What is going on here?!” So I explain, “Ben was bothered by him saying “Oh my God” a lot and he told on him. We are working on understanding that people have different rules, and he did not mean to hurt his feelings.” The grandma was relieved, and said thanks for being understanding, and that they are working on things too. Ben then apologized and asked forgiveness for hurting his feelings. And peace was restored. Day number 2.
Now as parents, we are beginning unravel this tangled web of being in the world but not of the world. Walking our children through the world while upholding the values we have established at home. Not minimizing our religion, while yet maintaining peace with others that do not hold to those beliefs. Learning how to love others, who do not love you. Or maybe they do love you, they just don’t love God. That’s something I’ve seen lately as well, lots of nice people, doing nice things, being good people, they just don’t love God. YET. I’ve been challenged to work out my own theology every day with these little confrontations we are being faced with. I know the day will come when bigger issues will arrive at our dinner table, right now I’m thankful for the warm up.
In my own life, I am grappling to explain the heart of the gospel, the good news that is not about following the rules, but rather our need for a Savior. I’m seeing that in order to maintain relationships with unbelievers, in hopes that they might see God, we must show love and wait on the Lord to begin stirring in their hearts. There's a time to speak for sure, but teaching my boys to love people and not rules is lesson number 1 right now. It's tricky I tell you.
My Benjamin has wanted me to meet the other parents picking up their kindergarteners each day after school. Initially I thought it was to arrange a playdate or something and I was a tiny bit irritated that he was being SO pushy about this. But yesterday I did go meet a mom of a boy who has become friends with both my boys. She was nice, it was brief, I said in closing, “Nice to meet you, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you often.” The moment we walked away, Ben said, “You need to talk to her more!! You need to talk to her about God!” Oh, I see now the heart of my boy. Everyday the boys are coming home and talking about their conversations with other kids about knowing God. And who knows God and who doesn’t, and wondering if their teachers do and if they can ask them. They are out on they front lines and Ben was calling me to join them there. And if you know my passionate Ben, the unsaid tone in his voice was “Why the heck didn’t you tell her about God!!”