I was thinking the other day about the matter of guilt, mainly because I was feeling the guilt again of not keeping my boys home with me and homeschooling them. And in the middle of the night the thought came, the counsel of the Lord, (Ps 16:7), that guilt is simply another facet of discontentment with the Lord. If I continue to allow myself to feel guilty, I am not trusting that the decision we made was guided by the Lord. How fickle of me!
I know as parents we often feel guilt in so many different ways regarding our children. Guilt over sending them to school, or not, guilt over the healthy or unhealthy food we feed them, guilt of not teaching them enough, or reading enough, or quality time enough, or yelling and spanking or not spanking! The list is endless, while it may seem a noble feeling struck from the crazy love we feel for our kids, the root of guilt itself is a discontentment and distrust of our loving, heavenly Father. He is the one who is going to bring us and them to completion in his timing (Philippians 1:6), He is the one who is working in us and them both to will and to do for His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13).
We are not expected to be perfect yet, so why do we feel like we are? Why do we run to guilt and shame and isolation instead of repentance and community?! Could it be our ever forgetting of God’s faithfulness (Philippians 4:19), leading to discontentment over and over again. Could it be that we are not humbling ourselves to His leadership in ALL things in our lives.
As you can see I’ve been stuck in Philippians lately, and in chapter 3 Paul talks about having NO confidence in the flesh (vs 3), as a mom I’ve been reminded of this often, because I usually fail in some way daily, AND THATS OK! It’s what I do with those fails, do I let them worry me, send me into depression and shape my countenance, or repent to God and my children and husband often, allowing God to use my sin and theirs to sanctify us and see His grace? I hope the latter, I pray the latter, I will keep pursuing the grace!
“I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 3:14
